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~ SMiLinG As UsUaL ~
x11/11/2007 10:38:00 PM
In the early hours of the morning. I found myself trapped like an inmate. Forced to finish a difficult task given, yet no recognition would be given once completed. Sitting on the chair, staring at the colorful rectangular box, fingers resting on the keypads. I look up and my mind went blank again. It wasn't long before I felt the killing tension released from the Big, Evil One.
I spoke in a loud tone, warning every other jail-mates to concentrate on their work and not leak any weaknesses. Then, she appeared in front of the big glass-screen. Baring unbelievable weight, she turned the doorknob and stepped inside to check and maintain on the task given. She stood behind us, commanding me and my teammate to show her the slide again. Over and over again. She may think she's giving advice, guiding us through, but through our ears, she's killing us, making us rerun and make many changes that weren't simple.
It did not take long before she left, leaving behind loads of instructions, just like every other day. Slowly as she moved further and further away, me and my partner let out a huge sigh. Jeez... This is just pure hard work. we had planned and finished many slides for some time now. And now we have to change every single one of them. The Big, Evil One made it sound easy, but while changing, we found it challenging, or even difficult to the extent that we'd rather give up than waste our energy, effort and time on these slides.
I needed a break. I stared at the ceiling above me. My mind wandered away. How many days has it been? 7? 8? For 8 consecutive days we have placed our bodies in front of a computer, typing and clicking like robots without feelings. I really needed a break. And break would do. This rectangular jail was freezing cold even though there were 10 of us. I took a stroll outside the room and found myself covered in warmth. It is warmer here. This is a break that wouldn't last long. I would have to go back sooner or later.
After making the final changes to one of the slide, I let out a sign of relief. Time was preciously consumed while I was focusing my brain power on the box in front of my face. What time is it now? I took a peek at the clock just outside the room. It stated 11.35am. Oh my god. It's that late already? I have spent hours on my mission. It's time I made it back to class. I need to see her. Since I only have 2 days left.
X, I had no idea when I had started falling for her. Few months ago perhaps? Everyday, I try to resist but I couldn't stop myself from taking a quick glance at her. At times, I would pretend lying on the table just to take a longer stare. She sits 3 seats away from me only. That's considered very near. Every schooling day, except some, without fail, I would take not just one, but many peeks at her, just to brighten up my mood or cure me from my sadness. That warmth smile that would lighten anyone'sheart, sure did a lot of help to me. Her adorable face, cute expression, beautiful smile...
I need to get back to class and take a glance. For days I have not seen her. My heart was deep in sorrow and I missed her badly. I rushed my way up to class first, leaving my partner alone in jail. As I took my first step unto the class's rough tiles, I hunted her down with my eyes, trying to spot my prey like an eagle from high above. I caught sight of her, just as she stared back at me. We did not acknowledge each other's presence or my return. She turned away and continued with her conversation with someone else.
Well, it's expected. We were never close. All we ever did was chat through Msn or sent emails. Speaking to her in class was as hard as climbing Mount Everest. My mind goes blank when a conversation starts. But luckily, it normally last seconds. So the confrontation was just bareable. Yikes. Now, I'm busy with my work, while she enjoys the last of her days collecting result papers and having long chat with her friends.
Ignorance is a bliss. I told myself at the time. I walked around in class a while, wishing to collect some sweets considering if she had read my email. Yet, I lacked the courage to face and ask for a sweet the size of a pea. The tension would just be too much to handle. I promised her once that I'd take a sweet off her hands. I broke that promise, not because I was a coward. But rather because of my time-consuming work. I had totally forgotten about time which led to me missing my one and only transport home-- the van. I wouldn't want to face the consequences nor the regret that my heart will feel if I don't take that one small mouth-watering sweet.
In the end, I did not manage to. Instead, I returned to my jail to check on my partner. We went back to class together. But even so, I wasn't able to summon any courage left inside of me to speak to her. School ended, which means I could not see her anymore, considering if I'm too busy with my work the next day. She walked right past me. Both of us hadn't greeted each other goodbye. There was nothing I could do. Not then.
I returned to jail, for the fourth time of the day to continue on my job. And she had to come in. Big Fat Evil One ready to change my slides again. As she mouthed all her ideas or rather, commands, I sat there staring at her, asking myself:
Why is she so fat?
Why is she so annoying?
Why on Earth did her husband marry her?
And I came to one big conclusion.
She's a big fat bitchy volcano, erupting every 15 minutes, disturbing all the villagers around her. I happened to be one of the villagers.
Not even single one of her words manage to make my eardrums vibrate. Even if they did, there's too much of X in my brain that I wouldn't be able to interpret whatever language she was trying to use and communicate with me. I needed help. When she left, I asked my partner, recalling his memory of every nonsense that she had said. And then I was off with my work. Again.
That afternoon, we waited very long just to see her off and cheer for her departure. It was great delightment watching her walk out the wooden door. It was a remedy to cure my sore eyes and tense brain. The whole time, I had often wandered off, thinking about X. Many, many times that I barely noticed the existence of Big Evil One coming in.
Now, all left inside the jail were me, my partner and some junior girls. They were trying to finish what I had not been able to. Something that I had left for them since last year. I'm so great. I tell myself. I turned and looked at them. Thinking if they were able to handle it themselves. Y, caught me watching and she stared back at me. I pretended to look around and ended up looking back at the same old screen which had been like my second home. Unintentionally, I asked them how they were doing. They lied to me and said that they were doing fine. But none looking at my way when replying my question. All except for Y. She looked my way. She used to be a girl I was fond of looking at once. But that was more than half a year ago. Now, I had absolutely no care towards her except for a senior and head of the ICT department.
On my way home at 4.15pm, I caught sight of X. I was making my way past the foyer, heading towards the guard house when some intuition of mine forced me to look behind. Something told me that I would regret badly if I didn't and so I turned. There she was, standing under the foyer, carrying her brown school bag behind her. She was smiling but not looking my way though. To be honest, my day hadn't turned out so well but from that moment on, everything changed.
I went home, satisfied.
~ SMiLinG As UsUaL ~
x07/11/2007 10:41:00 PM
Today I managed to speak to her...
After planning for so long..
I manage to tell her:
'SPM good luck...'
The sky looks brighter now..
Yet I'm gonna miss all my frens.. T.T (dose hu graduated today)
Since it's Halloween.. I hope u guys enjoy dis pictures..
I even got sweets online from Enaly.. ^^
~ SMiLinG As UsUaL ~
x31/10/2007 02:45:00 PM
How long has it been? 4 months? 3?
I've lost someone because I was being immature again.
I admit now. During that time, I wanted attention.
Lots and lots of attention. But not just from anyone.
But by someone who I really want attention from.
And I chose her..
Not because I like her or anything.
But I knew that I could trust her and rely on her to pay attention on me.
Now it doesn't seem so anymore.
It began well. Doesn't everything also begin well?
And then slowly she diverted her attention to my best friend.
My best-ed friend. I have to admit now.
At that point it was my fault.
At that point I was jealous.
Then, we became strangers.
Back to stage 1. Like we had never knew each other.
I was childish. For causing all this.
I hate myself for it.
She hates me now.
I can't compensate for my wrongs.
Sad.
She's having a major exam this year.
I don't want to cause any trouble.
And yet I still did.
I tried to make it up.
For what had happened.
And then?
It ended up worse than before.
I still hate myself.
She still hates me.
Still sad..
It's been so long. Many things have changed.
Changed, without my noticing it.
My Kai Mui talks to me now.
Even happier and high-er now.
I'm glad to see her that way.
It's a comfortable view.
I've made a few friends on the way.
Kev, Sean, Pei Ying...
I need to express myself at times..
But to who?
The only person who knows bout my current situation,
and not my past is Kev.
Sean is a nice and outgoing guy.
Cool.
But I'm still in the need to tell people my problems.
Someone who could be there for me,
When I need them.
My best-ed friend.
Whatever happened between us.
At first, I admit, I was jealous.
Because you got a higher position than me.
But after that, I think it was ok.
It doesn't matter, really.
But still, I think we're getting further and further.
He's changed.
He's not outgoing anymore.
He gets leg cramps often.
Never listen to advices.
Think he's made the right choices.
More chuan.
Most of it, that I was and
I am still trying to change.
Despite this.
There are girls who think he's cute.
Who think he's fun. Who likes him.
I'm glad for him.
Until that one girl told me.
She gets hurt very often.
Without him realizing it.
No matter how many times she expressed,
I tried to calm her down.
Maybe she's just thinking too much.
But no.
She stresses out.. Time and time.
That he thinks she can't live without him.
What can I do except to advise her?
I promised her. I'll try my best.
My best to change him.
He's still my friend after all.
I can't find time.
Time is precious. And I'm not given much.
I want to express myself many times.
But I don't have the time or mate to do so.
It's always library, basketball, frisbee or soccer.
I can barely manage my time between this four.
But still thank god I'm relieved of Y.E. duties.
Now I put on fake smiles.
Just to look OK.
To look normal.
Even if my heart does not feel that way.
when can I put on that sincere smile.
That I used to have on every occasion, every outings...
Every day...
When?
~ SMiLinG As UsUaL ~
x17/10/2007 09:43:00 PM
Its all in Fan Ti Zi or sumtin..
Cant interpret at all.. Aiks...
i Noe got one word which resembles door..
I give up lar... Aiyar...
Wait, dere is a way...
Cool Wei, dam Yeng...
Please turn ur head clockwise 90 degree and read..
~ SMiLinG As UsUaL ~
x16/10/2007 10:22:00 PM
I tot i've seen everythin.. Well, proven wrong... Aiks..
But well i guess it is common gua..
~ SMiLinG As UsUaL ~
x16/10/2007 10:07:00 PM
Kevang:
so let's talk about friday.
i went out with ji ann and audrey. not to mention that i'm supposed to accompany kevin and his gang of friend whom i'm not familiar with. wait, i don't even know them. :x haha. sorry kevin! :s
sigh so.. we went to watch seeker. and the guy didn't even check the tickets! we actually wanted to watch resident evil. T__________T sighhh. and seeker.. well it wasn't really nice. i mean it's OKLAH. but still i don't think it's worth the money.
Kevin:
Thanks very much (sarcastically).. Seriously dam sien on Friday.. I dun tink i'll be going wif dem anymore.. U la, enjoy but leave me out on my own... (T__T)
I wan cry...
~ SoMeHow CrYiNG ~
x14/10/2007 09:57:00 PM
~ SmiLinG As UsUaL ~
x13/10/2007 03:15:00 PM
We paused for a moment. That moment of silence was truly precious. Both of us had our own thoughts
in our minds. But neither one of us wanted to say anything.. We were cherishing the golden moment we had now.. It would not
last forever. But what matters most is present.
The both of us stared at the rainbow. It was still there even though it's been a long time since the downpour. It was beautiful.
How long will it last, moments like this? How many more minutes, days, weeks, months, years we can spend together?
"Un-be-liev-able... Tha-anks... G-gor..." Jerry said.
I couldn't resist anymore. I stumbled down to my knees and broke down in tears...
I found myself waking up on my desk. I must have dozed off again.. This research really
is taking its toll.. Sheesh. But I cannot give up. Not now. I may not be close to my goal. But this is my only way
to find a way to change my life. To change Jerry's life. I took a sip of my coffee. Apparently, it had not been effective
enough. Maybe I'm starting to get immune to it. I took another smell of the deep, concentrated aroma. That must've been
my what, tenth time tonight?
I have to continue. I have to find a way. I have to gather ideas, to create and complete my task. I carefully
adjusted my glasses and continued scrolling down the webpage. Apparently, it wasn't as informative as the others.
It was another delusional thinking. I'm getting nowhere. I moved my mouse back to the return button and surfed myself
back into Google. If life could only be like that. If we could only change the things we did. Change and improve.
What a giant leap it would be for mankind. I typed the same keyword I had typed for the past 15 years.
It's page 87 now. There's still many more pages to go. I still have plenty of time. I hope. I slowly scrolled down,
aiming to find topics or answers concerning my impossible task. I read the whole page, word by word, sentences by sentences.
No! No! No! There's nothing here again. How long has it been? 5 hours of net surfing and still not able to find an answer.
After all these years, I still couldn't find the slightest possible solution.
I stood up and shoved all my paperworks away. Most of them dropping onto the floor. I had not bothered. My head faced
down, on the table. I took off my specs with my right hand and rubbed my eyes. I can't do this anymore. I wasn't able to
get anywhere...
As a kid, I was always jealous of my younger brother, Jerry. He had gotten almost everything.
Attention. Love. Respect. Anything you name it. He is only 3 years younger than me. Why did my parents treat us both
differently? Why? This was unfair treatment. Totally. I had tried many ways to attract attention from both my parents and
relatives. I've done bad things, I've complained, I've tried to be a good child. But never once had my family laid eyes
on me after Jerry's birth.
Not getting any love. You must know how hard it was. I was so desperate that I tried to endanger my brother's life.
I just came home from school. At the age of 7, I was still young, innocent and dumb. I wasn't thoughtful back then. I had
recieved distinction for my exams. I reached home in joy, hoping to attract my parent's attention after seeing my results.
But before I could show them my results, Jerry cried. He was still in his cradle crying. Still in a cradle at the age of
4, what a big baby. He was so noisy that I couldn't stand him anymore. This crying would take away all my parent's
attention. Not wanting Jerry to get in my way, I tried stuffing a pillow in his face. Shutting him. Let me finish telling
mom and dad first. Then only you can continue crying.
It took a while before I noticed that Jerry's cry had suddenly stopped. I rushed to the cradle, mom and dad following
behind me. I removed the pillow and found my younger brother barely able to breathe. He had passed out.
I had recieved many angry comments and scoldings. That made my hatred towards Jerry even worse. It certainly wasn't
nice at all. I had hated Jerry with the bottom of my heart. I had planned to leave the house many times. But I never had
the courage to do so. I was still young and inexposed to the open and meet dangerous civilization. By the age of 10, I had
kept a distance away from Jerry. I hardly spoke to him and always find ways to avoid conversations. Even if he tried to
start a conversation, I would ignore him completely. Apparently, he has no memories of suffocating. But it was better if he
had. So that it would make sure the distance is kept always between me and him.
He did not know the reason of our distance. I did not have the patience to tell him about it. And so it went on like
this...
I walked slowly to the kitchen. I snatched a Carlsberg from the fridge and opened the tip. I took
a large gulp. I need to clear my mind. I should not get frustrated over a small matter. I still have many other webpages
left to surf. Not all hopes was lost yet. After all, I had already made a promise to him. I intend to keep this promise
and make it happen no matter what the costs was. If it required sacrifice of time, I am willing to give and spend days,
weeks, months or even years. If it required sacrifice of life, I hope that it would never come to that point...
I moved back to my desk, placed my beer next to the laptop and sat down. I looked back up at my screen and continued
surfing. I have to go on, no matter how long more this will take, I have already set my target and I will complete it at
all costs. I rolled down the webpage and saw something that gave me hope. I stared closer to the screen. Maybe this is the
answer. Or this could be a hoax like the others before. Either way, I'm not risking anything. I saved the page and printed
it out. I filed it together with all the papers that had fallen onto the floor. I picked them up and arranged them. I put
my laptop aside, took away my specs and studied the pile of papers that I had just printed.
Right in front of me was the paper containing ideas and images. The title was "Time Machine".
Things had not gone well even until I was 16. Until that one fine day. My brother were walking
home back from school like any other day. Still, I always walked in front and he walked behind me. We never talked. I hate
conversations, especially with someone who has taken everything away from me.
I stopped in front of the road. The traffic light signalled green. Cars were accelerating right before me. This,
inconveniently let my brother catch up with me. We both stood side by side, neither spoking a word. We waited silently and
patiently for that green to go back to red. It was taking a bit long.
It was still green. But now there was a large distance between the next incoming car and us, so, Jerry took a step
forward but stopped there. It's as if time has frozen. He had not moved at all. I was suprised, but I paid no sympathy.
The light had not turned red yet. It was dumb to cross the road so early. And then, he felled. Right in the middle of
the road. The incoming car saw Jerry and hit the brakes. I reacted by standing in front of Jerry. Trying to protect him.
That was weird. For someone who had not cared, it was unusual for me to stand out for him now. Maybe it was just to pay
back for the time when I had almost suffocated him with a pillow.
I was sandwiched between the Merc and Jerry. The Mercedes was inches away from my waist. Luckily the driver had pulled
the brakes in time. I looked back and saw my brother had already fainted after knocking his head on the concrete road.
Time seemed to pass by slowly at the hospital. By the time the reports were out, it had been an agonising 3 hours of
worry and concern. But what happened next turned out to be more shocking. The doctor had explained that my younger brother
suffered from a rare disease called Spinocerebellar Ataxia. It only affects 1 in every 1000 people. It involves the
shrinking of the brain, causing problems to movements and speech. It was incurable. Both my parents listened in tears as
the doctor slowly explained. I, on the other hand, felt hard to accept it. How could it be? The doctor told us that Jerry's
time was limited now. It would be a few decades before he passes away. You have no idea how this have affected both my parents.
We did not planned to tell Jerry about his case. But eventually, he found out himself as he had to make frequent visits
to the hospital. He accepted it without much difficulty. He smiled at me.
"Thanks, gor.. Thanks for trying to protect me that day..." Jerry told me.
I stared at him. Tears about to fall soon. He had taken the facts nicely. If I were given a limited time to live, I
would cry. Ever since that day, we got closer every day and our bonds became stronger. But throughout the years, even though
we were getting closer, Jerry's mobility had been limited. Slowly he had lost his ability to walk and ended up in a wheelchair.
His speech got as bad as his legs. He was finding it hard to talk. Jerry had started talking in portions of a word at the
age of 19. It was slow. But it doesn't matter.
After years of frequent check-ups, doctors have said that his body was deteriorating at a abnormally fast rate. He wasn't
going to be able to live for another decade or two. His time was limited.
We were at the park after 6pm. Just me and Jerry. The two of us enjoying the nature around us and each other's company.
Jerry had cried secretly in his dreams of his cruel fate. I hear them very often during the night. But all I could do was stare
at the ceiling and tear myself to sleep.
I slowly pushed his wheelchair around the pavements. It had just rained not long ago. I decided to take him out for
fresh air. We stopped and looked at the innocent children running around, enjoying themselves at the playground.
"If.. on-ly.. thi-s.. ill-ne-ss.. had.. n-ot..cho-sen..me..., I.. cou-ld.. be.. r-run-ning... ar-rou-und..." He expressed
himself slowly.
I kneeled down beside him. "Don't worry. I promise you I'll built a time machine and go to the future to find a cure. I'll
bring the cure back and cure you. I promise. Then we can spend much more time together.. We can enjoy, we can run around.." I
reassured him.
"Promise?" Jerry looked back at me, both eyes filled with hope.
"I promise you.. I'll built a time machine. I will. Please wait until then. Don't leave me alone first..." Tears had already
begin to collect under my eye sockets.
We paused for a moment. That moment of silence was truly precious. Both of us had our own thoughts
in our minds. But neither one of us wanted to say anything.. We were cherishing the golden moment we have now.. It would not
last forever. But what matters most is the present.
The both of us stared at the rainbow. It was still there even though it's been a long time since the downpour. It was beautiful.
How long will it last, moments like this? How many more minutes, days, weeks, months, years we can spend together?
"Un-be-liev-able... Tha-anks... G-gor..." Jerry said.
I couldn't resist anymore. I stumbled down to my knees and broke down in tears... Maybe this would work. I stacked the papers together with the rest. Sigh. I really need a rest. This net
surfing really has taken its toll on me. I lazed on the couch and found myself asleep in an instant. I dropped the empty Carlsberg
in my hand.
There I was, next to Jerry on his wedding day. I was asked to be his best man. How lovely. I stood behind
him as the preacher said what he had to. The bride certainly was pretty and young. I smiled widely. Jerry had been cured. I had
managed to built the time machine I always promised him. I had brought the cure back from the future and saved his life. I had
succeeded in changing both our lives. I had saved Jerry's life. And now here I am, standing next to him at his wedding day..
"Th-ank y-you.. Go-Gor.." Jerry turned his head and talked to me. I was waken up by the bright sunlight shining through my curtains. It was morning already. Was that all just
a dream? Had I travelled through the future and managed to complete my mere impossible task..? It had given me some sort of hope.
Maybe I still have a chance.
Jerry had problems breathing. He was lying on his bed as mom, dad and me were watching. His condition had
been critical recently. When Jerry showed signs of breathing difficulty, I rushed to find a doctor. Jerry, very sadly, passed away
that day. He had endured waves and waves of treatment.He faced every single one of them bravely. Yet he passed away with a smile. It
was a very sad moment for our family. I have just lost a brother. A loving caring brother. But that's just for now. I had promised to
built a time machine. I promised to bring you back. To cure you.
I was now standing outside on my lawn. It was 10am in the morning. It was rare but I had noticed a rainbow
just behind the cloud. The same rainbow that Jerry and I had seen that day? Perhaps? Perhaps Jerry is looking down on me, waiting for
me to find ways and built the time machine? Well, he certainly is waiting very patiently.
As I was preparing to head back into the house, a snowflake dropped onto my hand. I looked back up at the sky. It had started to snow.
It was a beautiful scene. I wished Jerry could see this. Wait, I checked my watch. Its 20th December 2039 today. After I have built I will
bring him to this date. Then we can enjoy it together. How cool is that?
Until then, wait for me.. Please wait for me. Jerry... ~ SmiLinG As UsUaL ~
x03/10/2007 11:11:00 PM
~ SoMeHoW StiLL SmILiNG ~
x 9/28/2007 11:11:00 PM
If I was given even 10 years to live... I would Cry..
~ SmiLinG As UsUaL ~
x 9/28/2007 11:11:00 PM
I opened my eyes slowly... The light shines brightly into my eyes. I found myself inside a bedroom, laying on a bed.
The texture of the bed sheet was smooth and soft. My body laid flat on the bed as I slowly awake from what seems a long sleep.
I sat up straight, totally confused with whatever I was looking at. Whatever I was seeing. I rubbed my eyes back and forth a few times
before accepting what was in front of me. There had too be something wrong.. I was seeing everything in Black & White..
This reminds me of being inside a Charlie Chaplin's silent movie. Black and white. I can't believe it. I could not see
any trace of other colours. Just black and white.
Both my eyes scrolled across the room, looking for an answer. The room was small, with a ceiling fan still spinning.
And long curtains covering the windows. You could feel the cold breeze coming in. The bedroom door remain unlocked.
Yet the question still remains... Why am I here? Why is everything black and white? Did I knock my head or something?
Have I done something wrong? I question myself over and over again. But never found an answer. Filled with hesitation,
I ran out of the bedroom. I opened the door and hurriedly made my way to the lower floor of the house. I stopped as
I passed by a mirror. It was a long relective mirror.
I stood in shock. There it was, the relection of the drawer, the cupboard, the chair and table. And that was just it.
Where's my reflection? I wasn't able to see myself. I shrieked as hard as I could. As hard as I could let me stress that
out again. I was definitely screaming my head off, but I did not hear any voice come out of my throat. Oh my god!
How could it get any worse?
I rushed out of the concrete building. Terrified. trying to find a logic explanation to my surroundings was as hard
as finding a needle in a haystack. Being out of the building, I found myself in a city with tall buildings and skyscrapers.
There were dozen of cars on the road. The traffic light was green. Shops across the street such as Delifrance and Starbucks
were opened. But things just got worse. There wasn't a single soul around. I could not see anyone else in the city.
The cars were not moving. The traffic light still remained green. I was the only person left in this whole black and white city.
I ran all over. Searching for other traces of life. There weren't any dogs, cats nor birds around. Not to speak about humans.
I soon became hungry. The roaring of my stomach made it clear that I needed to hunt for food. I had to find food. Somehow.
Think. Think god damn it. Where can I get food? It was made clear that my last resort was Starbucks. I had to steal.
Well, no one would know though. I could get coffee and cakes of my likings. Haha..
I went in and made myself a cup of coffee and I whacked every last slice of the Triple Fudge cake. The weird thing was
,I couldn't taste the coffee nor the cake. My taste buds were not functioning. Oh well, satisfy my hunger first then I'll worry
about that. Finishing my last scoop of the cake, I threw the plates into the sink and left. There was no one to stop me. I was
free.. I was alone.. Somebody stop me!
I happly danced down the road. No more school for me, no one to pester me. No one to scold me for the wrongs that I did.
I was king of the world. Or just king of this city perhaps.. Still I'm alone. I got bored eventually. I felt tired. There's
no one else sharing this joy with me now. Not a single person. I would very much like someone to be with me now.
Out of nowhere came a downpour. Rain drops hit the roof of the cars, the concrete floors, the walls of every building.
Everything still remained black and white in this world. I could not hear the sound of the rain. I was deaf when I arrived here.
I could not hear the usual sound of the rain. When it would make a rhythm so nice that I would spent hours sitting by the window,
listening to every single drop. Now, I could barely look forward as rain drops kept getting into my eye. And,
then, I broke down and cried. Cried as hard as I can. My tears mixed with the rain drops, camouflaging until one is unable to
differentiate one from the other. I was sobbing. I was alone and I was in fear. I can't go on like this, I know it... I couldn't
feel the rain drops on my skin. Impossible, I know. But I'm telling the truth. This is a place without any sound, colour or even
sense of touch. It's like losing half of my five senses. It was like time just stood still...
I need my friends.. I need them. Where are they? Yet another unanswerable question. I made a promise to god. Please, return
me to my world. I don't want to be here.. It sucks!! Please, god! Please! I hoped that god could hear my prayer when I couldn't
hear it from my own ears. As I kneeled down and prayed, the rain soon stopped. The sun wasn't clouded anymore. Bright, penetrating
rays shined through. I raised my head slowly. And found myself staring at the sky... Staring at the wonderful rainbow. It was the
only thing that had colour. Red, orange, yellow... I can tell the colours now. It was the only anti-black & white object I had
seen so far. It was a very beautiful image. I had to admit. Rainbows after rain is always a wonderful sight. A cure for eye sores.
A cure for sad people. A cure for lonely people. A cure for ME...
I became so tired that I chose to sleep under a building. The name of the building was called The Fantasy. I paid no attention
to the things sold inside. I chose instead to use my jacket as my pillow and laid down there. Feeling cold on the outside and warm
in the inside. If I die, I would want to leave happily... My eyelids slowly closed, turning all images into pitch black.
I woke up to the sound of my younger brother's yelling. He was my personal alarm. He would always wake me up whenever I overslept.
I rubbed my eyes and opened them. I'm back to my world now. Back to where I was suppose to be. My brother, Yori held my hand and
slowly led me to the kitchen room. I smiled in relief, I could hear again. I could touch again. I paced myself slowly so I would not
fall down. My mom greeted me and placed breakfast before me. I had a hard time poking the food with a fork. But that can't be helped.
I am a 12 year old boy, whom had quit school at the age of 10. I lost sight due to the effects of high fever. Since then, I had
been walking around with a stick and black sunglasses on my face. Walking around is a difficulty now. I often blamed god for my being
now. Why have I turned out this way? I am just 12 years old. Why at this age? I hate people giving me passage in streets, treating me
oddly. Teasing me at times. I use to tell myself that I'd rather lose my other 4 senses except sight. I got my wish in a dream.. But
now I've realized and I'm trying to redempt myself. The truth is, I'm still young, I still have many many years to learn and adapt.
Maybe being blind is not that bad after all. I cant still taste my mother's delicious homecook food.. Yummy. I've learnt to accept
the truth and improve on myself now.
"Hey Yori, come here." I called out to my 9 year old brother.
"Yes?" He asked.
"You know, this morning I had a dream..." I smiled widely.
The End
Fact: Blind people can dream.
~ SmiLinG As UsUaL ~
x 9/21/2007 10:44:00 PM
